Firstly, I commend this person for assembling a comprehensive collection on the history of Bonnie Combs starting from the ripe age of 16. The suspense was killing me. I waited patiently for it, when it happened, I was indeed pleased.
So, what next? The epic saga of Bonnie Combs which I’d been following since around 2000 (a taste of honesty from sly ol’ Maguire), must be far from over. I’m expecting some sort of shitstorm. Yep I’m holding my breath. I’m begging the Universe for a sign.
Unfortunately, being only an observer of this surreal internet circus, I have no information to contribute. The only thing I have to offer is the perplexing feeling that I know Bonnie Combs as an old, old frienemy. After all, I’ve been acquainted with her fuckery for 8 years. Ever since I was a flat-chested social retard hanging out in the computer room during lunch, working dedicatedly on my own website complete with seizure-inducing animated GIF “blinkies” and over-photoshopped “blends,” forever at the mercy of IE5 and (gasp!) Tag-Board, I’ve stalked her, with the feeling that, wow, somewhere deep in the trenches of trailer trash city is a crazy bitch who is infinitely more pathetic than I will ever be. Sitting there at the fat little transparent blue iMac I would sit and pick my nose and laugh maniacally.
I’ve always enjoyed psychoanalysis as one of my many odd, perverted little hobbies. Bonnie Combs has been my Internet project for 12 years. I hope it never ends.
Friends, my intense adventure through my favorite series of tubes has gone awfully awry. You see, regrettably, the police have been alerted. This means I’ll have to shut down my blog and evacuate my home.
This is all thanks to Bonnie’s alter ego and her other alter ego, who have succeeded in exposing me as Katy Action. Yes, it’s true. I am Katy Action. Cops, come and get me. I’m waiting.
Thanks to Spencer, I’ve finally gotten acquainted with the visage of Christine or Bonnie which is her real name. Inspired by this collection of strange and disturbing photos, I’ve decided to write a list. List-making is one of my favorite activities, especially when I’m suffering a severe mental breakdown. My psychoanalyst suggested it. Enjoy!
List of Things I Like
The picture of Bonnie’s cousin Misty in front of a parking lot wearing sunglasses.
Hot Wheels toy cars.
List of Things I Don’t Like
Bonnie And Friend having lesbian sex in a shower.
Bonnie And Friend having lesbian sex in a bed.
Bonnie having buttsex with Male Friend With No Balls and/or Female Friend with Shiny Red Dildo.
Being generally surrounded by vaginas.
Oh look! Bonnie goes to church.
Bonnie’s large, bearded friend.
Is that a vagina?
Bonnie’s nipple piercings. Jesus.
Speaking of Jesus, doesn’t this nice girl go to church?
I’d blog more about something, anything, but my entrails crawled out of my body and hid behind something and I have to go find them.
A wise old man named “Bonnie” once gave me a life-changing piece of information:
“After nearly three decades on this planet, she still doesn’t know where she belongs. Best friend of Matt, sarcastic, spoiled, apathetic, kutie, brat, babe. Just your average woman, living in a not-so-average world, surviving by her incredible super power of being able to see right through you while accomplishing more tasks than you ever thought imaginable.”
In a friendly act of rivalry, I will attempt to challenge the master. Who will win the battle of wits? How does one go about fighting with their wits? About what should we battle? Those questions will be answered in my next blog, or the next Star Wars movie, whichever comes first.
One intriguing aspect comes up, and that is the thought that Bonnie and I appear to have twin souls. I realized this when we started independently developing identical websites and ideologies. Interesting! Excuse me while I delve into the spiritual world of the mind. Perhaps Bonnie and I are truly meant to be one entity. Perhaps we will come together to become the Ultimate Destructor.
Only time will tell, my children. Only time will tell.